Sunday, June 23, 2013

The Golden 50.......

I am pretty lucky.
I married into a really great family. I love them all! Not too many people can say that and really mean it.
My mother and father in law have been married 50 years.
That is a really big deal and something worth celebrating.
So that's what we did.
My hubby's siblings and I planned a party for them. Picking a date, the guest list, the food, the dessert, all the decorations, borrowing tables and chairs, etc., ect. It wasn't the easiest task to be honest. When you have lots of siblings, different ideas, not everyone living in the same state AND each family has really busy schedules it can be a bit of a challenge....but we did it.
By George we did it!
And it was great!
It was a beautiful day.
Family and friends came together to celebrate a wonderful couple.


All the cousins had a blast being and playing together.

Love & Family.
It's what it's all about.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

June 7th.....

June 7th was a big day.

It was the last day of school for these boys.

Summer has been in full swing. 
There have been a few times already that I have heard the words,
"I'm bored!"
Yes, some days are boring, but not all. 
It's only just begun.
(Isn't that a song title?)

 Then it was also this studs 11th birthday.
My goodness where has the time gone?
My second boy. Looks just like the hubby. I was induced a week before his due date to make sure he wasn't a big baby.
Didn't matter....He was 9 lbs 8 oz.
He was our little butterball. 
Oh how I fall in love every time he flashes those dimples.

He got to bring in some thick fluffy sugar cookies for his class. 
He thought having the last day of school on his birthday was pretty rad.
(ok, he wouldn't use the word rad.)

 While the boys were at school I whipped together a birthday cake, wrapped a present and did a little decorating. I wanted it to be a surprise for my birthday boy when he came home.

 To my surprise I had a special visitor.
(or Brown Boy as we call him)
You could say that he's my "other" son. We were sad when Brown Boy and his family moved away. They decided to come visit and my boys were so excited and shocked to see him at school.

Crazy kids!

It was a great day all in all.
Last day of school, my boy's birthday, and getting a surprise visit from some great friends.

Meet Missy.......

Meet the newest member to our family.
(or as I call her, "Lil Miss")
I am partial to Siamese mix and when I saw her I couldn't resist. She is a Torti Point Siamese and about 11-12 weeks old. She is full of affection and wants to take her naps on your lap.

Kiki does not like her new sister. She hisses and isn't very nice.
We are giving it time. 

Loves to play.

 Cuddle bug.

She cleans up after herself.

 A remote hog.

 Laughs at all your jokes. 
(even the bad ones)

 Has the most amazing blue eyes.

We love her.

Sunday, June 02, 2013

Keeping It Real..........

It's almost 3 am and my mind is spinning. I decided to get up and write a post. This is not something I usually do.
 My blog title is called My Thoughts Exactly and I think I need to start writing just that, (not that everything I have posted prior was made up, but I think fear was holding me back a bit from really writing what was on my mind sometimes).
Let me start by saying that I am 37 years old. I know I'm not a spring chicken anymore and I'm starting to realize that with age comes changes. Sometimes I fear getting older. I don't know why really. I know that with age comes more experiences and all that good stuff, but I can still feel sad about missing parts of my past right? In my mind I still think I'm young(er) and then I look at myself in the mirror and think, "Who am I kidding?". I've started to notice little things that will make me realize that things are not the same as before in my younger years. For example, I try to stay up late to watch a movie and end up falling asleep after 20 minutes. I see my boys doing something fun and active and I think I can do the same thing and look really cool doing it....Uhhh, nope! Mom ends up pulling a muscle or get's a nasty bruise the next day. I was once the queen of remembering EVERYTHING, like really everything, and now I can't remember if I put deodorant on in the mornings. I have to write down lists and notes now. My brain feels like scrambled eggs.
Mmmm, that sounds good right now with a side of sourdough toast.
 And then there is fashion! Where do I fit in with fashion at my age? I want to stay current with all the new trends as best as I can, but do I dress appropriate for being in my mid 30's?
Let's not bring up the "mom jeans" OK.
Most days if I'm not going out in public I don't bother getting dressed. Bra? Who needs one!

Then there's hormones. Hormones are not very nice in my opinion. They never were when I started puberty as a teenager either. They graced me with moodiness, pimples, oily hair and skin and other wonderful additions. Then the hormones shifted when I became pregnant. I don't think I need to go into detail about that one. That would end up being the longest post in blog history.
After having four children my hormones had their share of ups and downs and in between's. Now that the baby making factory is closed FOREVER, and I am a bit older, my hormones once again are going through another shift. I feel that I'm in transition. This brings up the most current situation that I've dealt with for a little over a year now.
Anxiety and panic attacks.
I do believe hormones play a role in this. The first experience I've had with a panic attack was when I had to get minor surgery done. I had a couple of cysts removed and it was one of those situations where your wide awake and they just numb the area. First off, I don't do well when I see blood....I want to pass out. While the procedure was under way I was not looking, but I could feel the tugging, pulling and pressure. Me and my vivid imagination realized that this was being done to ME. Cutting, dissecting, BLOOD! On MY body....I'm not watching some Discovery Health show. That was enough to set me off. I got sick to my stomach, light headed, dizzy, started to break out into a cold sweat and my heart was racing. I kindly asked the nurse to fan me with the file she was working on. I needed AIR! I also needed distraction and asked her to strike up some conversation fast before I passed out. That poor nurse must of thought I was nuts. She was very helpful and I was able to keep it together until the end.
 Mind over matter right? Thank god!
After that incident, anytime I would go back and replay that in my mind or when I would have to change my dressings over the wound my body would start up again. All the same symptoms. I just figured I was a big wuss. A few weeks went by and things got better. Then one morning about a month or so later it hit me fast and hard. I was scared and didn't know what was going on. I couldn't even tell you what triggered it. The symptoms were ten times worse and I couldn't move my body yet it was shaking involuntary. I ended up in ER for a few hours and the doc said I was stressed, over exhausted and dehydrated. He never mentioned that I had a panic attack, but I know that's what it was now that I look back. From that point on I made sure to drink more water and not stress too much. Ha! Me not stress? Hello, I am a mother to four kids, I run the errands, clean the house, cook, help with homework and reports, run the kiddos to their sports practices and games, travel to visit with parents and family on weekends, and I also like to host parties. How do I not have stress be a part of all of that? Now, I know I'm not the only person on the planet that has a busy schedule. Maybe I'm just not handling it right? I try and tell myself that I cannot control everything. I do like to be in control, I admit that. When I don't feel in control I feel lost at sea. I become an emotional wreck! Hormones again? Damn those things!
So a year has passed since my first panic attack and since then I have been doing my part with doctor's visit's, taking natural supplements to help, and really trying to keep control when I feel another one coming on. I have had to change some things along the way. Not traveling too far, no bridges, stay away from over crowded places or events, no more social drinking, (alcohol brings it on quicker for me), get more rest, don't stress too much, and just try to pace myself. It's sad really....Anxiety makes you feel disabled in a way. Anyone that know's me know's that I loved being out all the time. Travel, weekend drives, family get together's, shopping, etc. Now I live day to day hoping that this is a day I feel "normal" and don't freak out. I can say that things are getting better. The one thing I will not do is give in to this fully. I won't let it beat me. My kids depend on me too much and I'm the only person around for them five days a week. I keep pushing myself to get out there and do the things needed to keep the household running. Believe me, there were plenty of times I'm in the middle of a busy grocery store with a cart full of stuff and then my anxiety starts to creep in and I just want to run out screaming. Who will get the errands done though? Me. And so I tell myself to suck it up and just get it done. I have had many battles in my head. I have to keep moving forward. Sometimes it's not easy and very frightening, but I just have to.

I am in it right now.

I'm growing older, fighting anxiety, and dealing with my wonky hormones.
My oldest kiddo is basically a teenager and this is a new road we are embarking. I don't know what to do sometimes and feel like I'm a bad parent. Was I not given the manual when I left the hospital 3 days after he was born?
My youngest kiddo, my only girl, is testing my patience to a new dimension. I feel like I never parented three other children before her and I'm a new mom again not knowing what the hell to do. She starts Kinder this fall. I will be home alone for six hours. This is the first time in almost 13 years that I will not have a kid at home with me. What do I do with that? Motherhood is all I know. It's not like I had some big career before I  had kids. My working years were very short and very basic. I never attending college. I see now how that was a bad choice.
 It's all something I will have to figure out. Figure out who I am becoming in this transition.

Thank you for reading my ramble.
This is me. Right now. Just keeping it real.